Anonymous asked how to get someone out and how to help exiting members:
My answer:
that's a tall order...
Helping exiting/exited members is easier than trying to get someone to leave.
HELPING EXITING MEMBERS
there is quite a lot written about his on the www.regainnetwork.org webpage re Recovery and Healing and through reFOCUS; the links are here, I believe.
EXITING members need what most people need when they are in a PERSONAL CRISIS
[there was an old book out there called "Living Through Personal Crisis"; perhaps the would-be helper should read it first]
1- Understanding, acceptance and listening from friends and family:
Don't judge, or tell them "I told you so" and other blaming messages.
KEEP ALL ADVICE to a minimum, including pious stuff;
Give them a lot of privacy, with suport and freedom to start finding their own way out of the woods; dont push, dont force...be very, very pacient.
Be gently available if and when and in whatever area they need you.
2- May need material help such as money, a place to stay, and a job. Company is good, in general, while respecting their privacy. The warm atmosphere of a family or home is good for them. While respecting their privacy don't leave them alone for too long. This is a delicate balance.
3- Pastoral and/or psychological counseling -they may be suffering from Depression, Anxiety and or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; crisis of faith in God, in Jesus, the Church, humanity in general, may be fearsome, almost paranoid... Make sure they are not suicidal. It does no harm to ask. You may gently suggest counseling if you see them "in bad shape" but dont insist or reject them because they don't accept your advice. Remember YOU are their resource!
4- All the modern stuff about Active Listening really works.
5- Open yourself up to contemplative prayer and to be guided by the Holy Spirit [and the Blessed Virgin Mary, if such is your devotion]; but keep this to yourself.
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